Compare with my last year self：Discover my growth
Feelings after studying 1 year in the US
Today is September 4, 2024, marking the second day of my second year of graduate school at NYU. I actually had a lot to write about yesterday, but my eyes were bothering me so much that I ended up writing nothing.
Feeling "Blue" 🙁
The weather has suddenly turned cooler this September, forcing me to wear long sleeves and pants. It feels as though summer ended abruptly. This change in season brings back memories of my high school days in my hometown. I would walk around near the high school in my blue and white uniform, which would suddenly evoke a subtle sense of melancholy, nostalgia, and longing for my family. Around this time last year, I had just arrived in the United States (on August 23, 2023). Due to jet lag and adjusting to life in America, my schedule was chaotic—I struggled to sleep at night, felt exhausted during the day, but still participated in various school activities. So now, in this season, I find myself in a constant "blue" mood. It’s not exactly painful, but it's far from joyful—a sort of addictive state.
The New Semester Is No Longer Exciting 🎓
Over the past three months of summer vacation, I found a job at the school, so I often came to work at Stern, Courant, or the nearby Whistle & Fizz cafe. Most students went home, traveled, or took on internships, leaving the area around the school relatively empty. I could move freely and pick my favorite spots to work. However, from the first day of school in September, the campus became crowded with students. Walls were set up at Stern’s entrance to prevent Palestinian protests, covered in NYU purple and banners welcoming Fall 2024 students. Washington Square was bustling with new NYUers again. Although the crowded campus has caused some inconvenience, this is the normal state of a university, and I need to get used to it again.
This time last year, I was a new graduate student at NYU, a novice in both studying abroad and computer science (having switched my major). Seeing the AT&T stand on the street reminded me of my anxiety attack with Verizon last year (trying to save on phone bills, I organized a Verizon family plan, which required coordinating with many people and caused a lot of unnecessary trouble and wasted time). Back then, everything felt so new, and I was curious about many things. I participated in almost all of NYU's orientation activities and spent a lot of time trying new things and meeting new people (I met about 200 new friends in the first couple of weeks). Looking at myself now, just a year later, my views on everything around me have completely changed: I no longer have high enthusiasm for my courses, I don’t have high expectations for meeting new friends, and I don’t fill my calendar with every school event. This change doesn’t mean I've become numb; it’s just that having experienced something once is enough, and I've already gained what I needed. Similarly, during the first two years of undergrad, I participated in almost all activities: student council, the radio station, the choir, and singing competitions. But I lost enthusiasm for these activities in the last two years. Now, I seem to be calmer and more mature (yes... I’m not very modest 😜).
Depth Over Breadth ⏳
With just eight months until graduation, my main focus is on job hunting. I want to concentrate on what I’m doing now: mastering algorithms and consistently applying for jobs, while also keeping up with my piano and music practice. I’ve always known that I’m someone who pursues depth rather than breadth, but I haven’t always practiced this principle.
Pursuing depth has influenced all aspects of my life. For instance, I gave up making videos and instead spend more time studying algorithms and music. I no longer spend a lot of time maintaining superficial relationships; I enjoy spending more time with a few close friends. I save emotional and energy resources on unnecessary things and invest them in more meaningful endeavors. After making these changes, I do feel much lighter and happier, and I've largely freed myself from previous restlessness. Diving deeper into certain areas of my life has also boosted my confidence because I’ve realized my abilities have grown.
More Composed and Confident 💅🏼
My increased confidence is most apparent in social interactions. Being a major-switcher and new to America, I wasn’t confident in my professional abilities last year, and the “Imposter Syndrome” was intense. As a result, I often wanted to set up coffee chats, but almost never did, because I was afraid of being unable to answer professional questions, which would hurt my self-esteem. I hesitated to submit my resume because I thought even if I got an interview, I wouldn't pass due to my inadequate knowledge of algorithms. Such lack of confidence prevented me from interacting with people who seemed “better” or held higher positions. But after overcoming many challenges over the past year, I can truly feel that much of the fear and anxiety have faded, replaced by calmness and composure. I’m more comfortable interacting with people I once feared. I’m no longer clueless when discussing interviews and algorithms and can even talk about the technical challenges I’ve overcome in my projects. Indeed, improved professional skills have brought me much confidence!
In just 21 days, I’ll be moving to my own apartment in Manhattan, living alone for the first time (I’ve always had roommates to some extent). I hope to enjoy this time of solitude and have more time for reflection!
